Monday, September 20, 2010

Just Words...

Born and broken, ripped from one dumped on another and finally landed in your arms. Noses wiped, heart felt hugs, kisses goodnight and tons of I love you's. Held when it mattered, shoved into the right direction and given the power of a strong mind. The heartfelt goodbyes, the strong hand to hold and so many tears. The tremble of a scared child, the tears and fears that are felt. Finally forced into adulthood, can still look back and see so much of that scared child sitting on the floor playing with her baby dolls. When does me catch up with me? Feeling so lost split between two worlds. Been married and blessed with children. Now divorced and watching the children play with each other and watching the bond that has been formed. Hearing the giggles and seeing the smiles. Hearing the I love you's, getting the hugs for one returned and breaking up fights between sisters and a brother who sits and watches and laughs, like something is funny. Trying to keep the head above water, praying for a miracle and all of a sudden three worlds collide like an avalanche. Sitting in church asking God so many questions wondering how he can keep it all straight. Thankful that he can, hardly managing it all. Tear filled eyes, knees hit the floor and ask for someone to understand.....that day when the phone rang, words that were so needing to be heard "I understand, been there, felt that too" and "I am with you on that". There's a sigh of relief, a new struggle begins and so a light is shed while one burns out. A new hand reaches in and a new friend says it's ok, even at 3 am. The biggest questions don't never seem to have an answer, the deepest pain isn't felt by any other and rarely eased. Where is the right place to be, to go? The words that are so longed to hear haven't been heard, even through the I love you's everything seems empty. Never do too many who understood all this, only one seems to get it completely. So thankful that you were there, you reached in and made it seem ok.

Some will read this and say none of that makes sense, well if you are in my shoes it makes more than perfect sense. You understand, you know some of it may be different but you know it, you walk it and you live it. Some one once told me that they were more blessed than I was because he wasn't adopted and the pain doesn't seem worth it. I should let it all go. If you have been told that, here's something to remember. The Father knows, He cares, our burdens are His, our lives are His. Everything is going to be alright, we will get through we finally have our pains ridden of. The struggle of emotions are high, but through His love we will be kept strong. With the Father in our corner no one can be against us. Pray and watch the miracles he works. He catches every tear, holds the broken and mends and restores us to brand new. No storm last forever, only for a night!

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